I wanna feel the bulge in your pants as we cuddle
mermaid: bae come over i’m bored
me: i cant breathe underwater
mermaid: i’m off my period
damn thats powerful
one of my favorite posts here
this fucking pressure for men to be square shaped really pisses me off sometimes im glad that you all understand
do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind wanting to start again
Why did Marx’s toilet always play music whenever it flushed?
Because of the violins inherent in the cistern
I love pirates because they have no concept on albeism. oh you have no leg? here have a peg leg. no hand?? well guess we gotta put a hook on that, give those sons of bitches a surprise. Blind in one eye, put an eyepatch on no one fucking cares, youre deaf??? go man the canons you glorious bastard.They dont care if youre disabled bcus as long as you can fuck shit up they literally dont fucking care.
my new years resolution is for everyone else to gain 50 pounds